  Scs100 Member Username: Scs100 Post Number: 1467 Registered: 12-2006 |
Interesting what one can learn in the beginning of an European History class... SOCIALISM You have 2 cows You give one to your neighbour COMMUNISM You have 2 cows The State takes both and gives you some milk FASCISM You have 2 cows The State takes both and sells you some milk NAZISM You have 2 cows The State takes both and shoots you BUREAUCRATISM You have 2 cows The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM You have two cows You sell one and buy a bull Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows You sell them and retire on the income SURREALISM You have two giraffes The government requires you to take harmonica lessons AN AMERICAN CORPORATION You have two cows You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM You have two cows You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows No balance sheet provided with the release The public then buys your bull A FRENCH CORPORATION You have two cows You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows A JAPANESE CORPORATION You have two cows You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide A GERMAN CORPORATION You have two cows You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves AN ITALIAN CORPORATION You have two cows, but you don't know where they are You decide to have lunch A RUSSIAN CORPORATION You have two cows You count them and learn you have five cows You count them again and learn you have 42 cows You count them again and learn you have 2 cows You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka A SWISS CORPORATION You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you You charge the owners for storing them A CHINESE CORPORATION You have two cows You have 300 people milking them You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation AN INDIAN CORPORATION You have two cows You worship them A BRITISH CORPORATION You have two cows Both are mad AN IRAQI CORPORATION Everyone thinks you have lots of cows You tell them that you have none No-one believes you, so they bomb the **** out of you and invade your country You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of Democracy AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION You have two cows Business seems pretty good You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION You have two cows The one on the left looks very attractive A SOUTH AFRICAN CORPORATION You have two cows One is a black cow and one is a white cow. The white cow produces more milk but the black cow is previously disadvantaged so you obtain a contract to supply milk to the state at inflated prices. The black cow joins a Cosatu strike against high food prices while the white cow continues to produce milk. The state discovers that you are selling it milk from the white cow, accuses you of fronting, revokes your BEE status and re-possesses both cows. Both cows are slaughtered to celebrate Zuma's inauguration. Cosatu commence a second strike because now there is no milk… http://www.nvnews.net/vbulleti n/showthread.php?t=118510 | ||
Flanders_field Member Username: Flanders_field Post Number: 1834 Registered: 01-2008 |
A Nigerian 419 Cow Scam You have no cows You email millions of Americans claiming that a relative died leaving a million cows but no will, and ask for help claiming that for a thousand cows, you will give them half of his deceased relative's million cows. Someone contacts you and agrees to give you a thousand cows for half a million cows. You continue the scam until the American runs out of cows to give you, or refuses to give you any more cows. A Siberian Corporation You have two cows. Both freeze solid in the winter. A Palin Corporation You have two cows. You get into a helicopter and shoot at them below with a rifle. A Bush Corporation You have two cows You accuse Iraq of having terrorist cows with WMD and invade it. In the meantime, your cows slowly die of malnutrition, thirst, and exposure, because you neglected to graze them, and give them water, then your farm is foreclosed on after they die. A Bachmann Corporation You have two cows You go on TV and claim that Democrats own anti-American terrorist Muslim cows, and that America is running out of milk. (Message edited by Flanders_field on March 18, 2009) | ||
Alan55 Member Username: Alan55 Post Number: 2623 Registered: 09-2005 |
Here is a closer approximation of an American Corporation: AMERICAN CAPITALISM You have two cows Through mismanagement and neglect, both cows die. The executives drink what little milk was produced, layoff the workers, and award themselves huge bonuses because they were contracturally obligated to do so. | ||
Flanders_field Member Username: Flanders_field Post Number: 1835 Registered: 01-2008 |
A Conyers Corporation You have two cows Both refuse to produce any milk, trample all over your cash crops, break down the door of your farmhouse, and shit all over your rugs and furniture You threaten to slaughter them!! But instead, you write a STRONGLY WORDED letter to your neighbors about your cows' despicable and destructive actions, and how you came SO CLOSE to slaughtering them!! | ||
Oladub Member Username: Oladub Post Number: 1331 Registered: 08-2006 |
bullophobic joke- Three bulls shared a pasture. Bull #1 had 10 cows, bull #2 had 5 cows, and the bull #3 only had two cows. One day, a cattle truck pulls up and out comes the biggest, strongest, meanest looking bull they had ever seen. Bull #1 says, "as a gesture of friendship, I'll give him 5 of my cows". Bull #2 thinks about it and replies, "I'll give three". Just then, they looked over and saw bull #3 start pawing the ground and snorting. Bull #2 says, "What are you doing? Are You crazy" Bull #3 replied, "No, I just want to make sure he knows I'm a bull." | ||
Ccbatson Member Username: Ccbatson Post Number: 19525 Registered: 11-2006 |
Clever stuff. Thanks. |
