  Sumas Member Username: Sumas Post Number: 834 Registered: 01-2008 |
An elderly neighbor and friend has been recently hospitalized. The prognosis is not good. Her husband is dead and they never had children. She has no close ties to her other relatives. She was transfered to a distant hospital for specialist reasons. Friends are visiting and calling because she is elderly, alone, hearing impaired and scared. The relatives input? They keep sending an attorney to badger her into writing a will. Another friend who is much closer to her, had to lie about his relationship to her, (with her permission) to get the details from the doctor on her medical situation. When we left the hospital yesterday, she wanted to speak to me privately, woman to woman. She whispered, why is it my friends care, but not my blood family? She was crying. It almost broke my heart. The family are uncaring idiots. They make me puke. I hope she does write a will and leaves everything to a few very close friends of hers who have looked out for her. In case people are curious, we do not expect or want anything. We are just loosely connected friends/neighbors who have a casual connection but don't like anyone to die unloved or appreciated. We took her recently to the Caputian Monastary for a healing service. I am not Catholic but it was very inspiring personally. For people who are religious, please say a prayer to Fr. Casey for her. Maybe I should have titled this a rant. Her "family" response is just so galling to me. | ||
Gazhekwe Member Username: Gazhekwe Post Number: 2988 Registered: 08-2007 |
She should contact an elder law attorney and write three documents, selecting trusted friends for the roles of power of attorney, patient advocate and personal representative to handle the estate. If she does not, she may fall into the clutches of the court system. The documents are General Durable Power of Attorney, Durable Power of Attorney for Health Care, and Will. You can find reference to elder law attorneys at http://naela.org/MemberDirecto ry/ She should lose no time. This is not about her money, but about her freedom to choose. | ||
Gazhekwe Member Username: Gazhekwe Post Number: 2990 Registered: 08-2007 |
Just a note about the listings on the NAELA site. The CELA after some attorneys' names indicates Certified Elder Law Attorney. These people have passed a national test and become certified. They are the best of the best. Don't make the mistake of thinking they will be more expensive, because most are very reasonable. They understand how their clients feel about their hard-earned money. | ||
Mama_jackson Member Username: Mama_jackson Post Number: 508 Registered: 06-2006 |
Sumas-I would offer to help your neighbor if I were you. We had a neighbor who would always tell me, I am going to need someone when I retired. Someone I can trust to handle me and my affairs. Well, he didn't put in on paper, and we would have helped him in any legal, medical, moral way without expectation of payment at all. He later got into an accident, didn't think he was ill enough to go to the hospital. Some guy was hanging around "helping" my neighbor. The fellow was too ill to think to chase him off. They got into a wrestling match about whether the neighbor should go to the hospital. Man didn't want to go. The neighbor died. The helper pulled his van up to the door and cleaned his house out, the same day he died. He was still in the morgue. I didn't have a minute to find out what was going on! Sad story, and true. | ||
Eriedearie Member Username: Eriedearie Post Number: 3929 Registered: 08-2007 |
Sumas, I agree with Gaz - don't waste another minute. Talk to your friend about consulting with an elder attorney at law. That is very good advice and will give her peace of mind. | ||
Ray1936 Member Username: Ray1936 Post Number: 4007 Registered: 01-2005 |
I second what Erie said. | ||
Chrissy_snow Member Username: Chrissy_snow Post Number: 526 Registered: 07-2008 |
There's a special place in hell for people who abuse and otherwise mistreat the elderly. Sumas, I hope your neighbor gains strength and outlives all of the weasels after her possessions! But if she doesn't, in addition to the excellent advice above, as soon as you learn of her passing, get over there and lock up her house immediately so that it will stay locked up until the court settles everything. If you can, have her change the locks and even give you a set of keys now while she's still capable of making decisions, with the agreement that you would secure her home, or call a locksmith to change the locks upon her death in case the relatives claim her belongings at the hospital and get her keys. I have seen time and again how the vultures rush to the house and empty it out before the body is even cold. It's truly disgusting. My grandfather died and his girlfriend hit up his bank account the same day. It's a shame to even have to wage war over possessions but that's what "family" will drive you to. | ||
Blueidone Member Username: Blueidone Post Number: 521 Registered: 03-2007 |
Sumas: If her husband was a wartime veteran, please have her contact the American Association for Wartime Veterans - 586-464-9788. There are special benefits available to her if he was. They will come to her home and talk to her.And they have a list of qualified elder law attorneys. I worked for them for a while...they are great people and very helpful! | ||
Thames Member Username: Thames Post Number: 430 Registered: 02-2007 |
The same thing happened to my Grandma, but in reverse. The neighbors across the street had a key to her house forever. She trusted them. When she died, they went in and took some of her things which included jewelry. | ||
Bigb23 Member Username: Bigb23 Post Number: 4268 Registered: 11-2007 |
My best friend and neighbor was WWII vet in his 80's. His kids and grandkids would not give him the time of day while he was alive. But in death, they came out of the woodwork to get what they wanted. That speaks volumes. | ||
Sumas Member Username: Sumas Post Number: 839 Registered: 01-2008 |
Now it is getting wierder. A neighbor who has been very close to her talked to a relative and found out the relatives are planning on having her declared incompetent. She is ill not nuts. Boy they are stupid to share those creepy plans. The neighbor who I mentioned that is very close to her has known her for maybe 50 years. He has retained an attorney at his own expense to make sure her rights are not violated. I told him about all the very good advice given freely on this thread. He asked me to copy all info,, which I have done. Thank you all! PS: Her relatives have her key to her house because they took her purse from the hospital and plan to clean it out Monday. Crap, they even took her glasses so she can't even watch TV. | ||
Chrissy_snow Member Username: Chrissy_snow Post Number: 527 Registered: 07-2008 |
Hey, its not much to buy a bunch of new locksets! Troublesome, but it would feel good to stick it to those horrible relatives. I bet they do plan to "clean IT out Monday", lol. Now why on earth would they take her glasses? Don't want her reading anything about, say, her RIGHTS? Thank you for looking out for her, Sumas! I was raised by my great-grandmother so I have a very special interest in the elderly and stuff like this raises my blood pressure! | ||
Gazhekwe Member Username: Gazhekwe Post Number: 2995 Registered: 08-2007 |
That is why it is so important for her to get an elder law attorney to preserve her rights. She can sign papers as long as she is competent, that will appoint people SHE chooses to help her. NOW is the time. If the attorney the friend has retained is not trained in elder law, he or she can look for someone to consult at the site I posted above. She needs witnesses and medical testimony to prove her competence if they have already filed in court. The person she chooses to assist as her patient advocate can be ready to discuss this with her doctors, who likely have no personal knowledge of her. The papers must be completed with a reputable attorney BEFORE she is declared incompetent by a court. (Message edited by gazhekwe on March 22, 2009) | ||
Crystal Member Username: Crystal Post Number: 397 Registered: 05-2007 |
Please be cautious in dealing with the American Association for Wartime Veterans. It is my understanding that they are financial planners who will offer to conceal your savings so that the beneficiary can qualify for the Special Pension offered by the Department of Veterans Affairs. Not surprisingly, the American Association for Wartime Veterans advertises prominently in nursing homes and assisted living facilities. They are not a Veterans Service Organization. If there is a benefit to which a veteran is entitled, the VA would be able to advise about that. | ||
Sumas Member Username: Sumas Post Number: 841 Registered: 01-2008 |
Why can't they just be nice to her. They will get her "stuff" in due course. It is the way they are going about it, is what bothers me. They paid her no attention when she was healthy and none now. Just greedy. These people just lack souls. | ||
Gazhekwe Member Username: Gazhekwe Post Number: 2998 Registered: 08-2007 |
In my experience, very few ordinary people are solely motivated by evil. There is usually a sense of duty behind these things, and the subject of the concern is usually pretty scared, and doesn't really trust the people she doesn't know well. They don't know her and have expedience in mind rather than her unknown-to-them interests. Since the aunt here seems to be stuck with her relatives, she can protect her interests best by dealing with her own attorney. | ||
Reddog289 Member Username: Reddog289 Post Number: 1003 Registered: 08-2007 |
I don't think any of my relatives are on here, But this sounds like crap that happens when those "special relatives" ie "ones with money" die.I would rather have a relative or friend be around longer then have their money or stuff.Actually this reminds me of a lady who's lawn I used to take care of.Her niece and Grand nieces got her $$ and stuff, THEY KNEW IT and were just waiting for the call from the home. | ||
Sumas Member Username: Sumas Post Number: 844 Registered: 01-2008 |
I know what you mean Reddog. It seems I have lost so many friends this year and I keep seeing this greed scenario played out over and over. Years ago we were asked to be the executor for a relatives estate. I never saw the will but know we were in it. We don't live close and can't be of too much help because of distance. Recently we were told that the will was changed. Other relatives who are much closer and help her in so many ways will be the benneficaries and they deserve to be. I am just happy she is well loved and cared for. On top of losing too many friends of our own, my Mother, 89, is taking care of so many of her ailing friends. One friend of hers in particular has children that have achieved wealth on their own, doctors lawyers etc. Her friend is not hurting financially which is fortunate. However they don't lift a finger to help their Mom. She has kidney failure and numerous other ailments. My Mom takes her to appointments, shops for her and we get enlisted a lot to help too. I am starting to think I should take classes in nursing aid on how to help people who have fallen. Where is the family, they could easily afford to get her a driver or assistant. I still think my favorite emergency was the call my Mom got from our church. A female member who is disabled and terribly obese was stuck on a toilet and could not get up. Another church member called my Mother to help. Remember, she is 89. She is only 5'2" and weighs 115 pounds. Of course, I went in her place to help. I am just sick to death of families that seem to lurk and do nothing. They are like vultures. They most likely don't appreciate what non family does to care for friends, neighbors, church members or even strangers. I really believe most people are good and caring but this year has been over the top with dealing with death, illness and greedy nasty people. Thank you for reading my rant. | ||
Sstashmoo Member Username: Sstashmoo Post Number: 3515 Registered: 02-2007 |
If you want to find out what people are really like, let a rich relative die. They'll show you what they are. | ||
Reddog289 Member Username: Reddog289 Post Number: 1011 Registered: 08-2007 |
I could go off on some folks, But I won't with what has happened to to anyone who has money of anykind in my family, I myself hope to leave my spouse with enough to get by, and If I am single leave a bunch of stuff that they will wonder what to do with. | ||
Sumas Member Username: Sumas Post Number: 846 Registered: 01-2008 |
That's funny. I have a sister who is a "collector". She never plans on moving so she never gets rid of anything. She figures that when she dies her kids will have to clear out all the junk. | ||
Detroitbred Member Username: Detroitbred Post Number: 282 Registered: 06-2008 |
In my opinion, Weddngs and Funerals bring out the absolute worst in people. All that tension and ugliness while planning a wedding, what should be a joyous occasion, and the vultures that start circling when someone dies. Poor dear isn't even dead yet. SHAME ON THEM | ||
Sumas Member Username: Sumas Post Number: 854 Registered: 01-2008 |
She got transfered to rehab. We visited her on day three. She does not have a phone in her room. I took her some of my clothes on the off chance her stupid relatives didn't bring her any clothes. I was right, the poor thing was sitting in the clothes she was wearing when she fell a few weeks back. I took her sweat pants and t shirts, slippers and underwear, sweaters and stuff. I could not take her night gowns or robes however because I sleep in kortas and I doubt a lady of her age would probably not find them modest enough. I was embarassed to take her used clothes. I can't afford to go out and buy her new clothes. Relatives have a key to her house and could have brought her her own clothes but did't. Talked to another friend who was kind enough to take a robe and a few other items that were new. I am glad she has friends who care. | ||
Reddog289 Member Username: Reddog289 Post Number: 1023 Registered: 08-2007 |
Sumas, Your story sounds like what I went through with the lady whose lawn I used to take care of.Lucky for that lady she did have a friend who took care of her and kept me updated on her condition.When the lady finally did pass, Her small family was there, But her friend who looked out for her was absent.I did go to the funeral which was the smallest and saddest funeral that I,d ever been to. I did mow the lawn a few times after she passed, But was replaced by the Nieces lawn boy and after that never seen or heard from the family since. I guess that the Lady was right when she told me "My niece is gonna get all this when I'm gone, wouldn't be surprised if she was counting the days". When I sit at my basement bar I look up at the fishing poles that the estate gave me cause I like to fish. I don't think about what happend after her passing just the stories she told and what she taught me. God Bless YOU for being kind enough to do what your doing. |
